Hitting too close to home

I never thought that lumpectomy, clean margin, BRCA gene test, and breast cancer would be part of my everyday vocabulary. That all changed about a month ago when I found out that my best friends wife had breast cancer. I never thought I would be walking into a cancer center and be waiting with my friend for his wife to come out of surgery to have a tumor removed. Up until this time our time had been spent playing video games and going to movies and dinners. Things change in a second. I have lost so many people to this disease. This time seems to be hitting the hardest. She is not even forty yet. She should have not had to deal with this. But these are the cards that have been dealt. So I did what I do, and started doing research. I learned that the BRCA gene test is done to predict how much more susceptible you are to cancer, and the chances of it coming back. Luckily both of these came back normal. I learned that clear margins are the area around the tumor that they have to clear out to make sure that tissue around the tumor is cancer free. I am a layman so these are these things as I have come to understand them. Doing the research made me feel like I was able to have control of something through all this. With cancer this is a rare thing.

My friends have already come up against some road blocks. She has to go in Monday because they thought the clear margins were not good enough. So this sets her recovery time back another week. They also have to wait for a test to come back from the pathology of the tumor, to see if she may have to do chemo. My friends thought she would be going the radiation route. They have to wait a week for this test to come back. That is something else I have learned about cancer and the tests you have to have. Tests take forever to get results back for. I cannot imagine something having to do with whether you live or die taking that long to get results back for. As if there was not enough fear and the unknown involved in this process in the first place.

Plans that were made at the last minute are out the door, replaced by how she is feeling. I come over their house and at times at a loss for words as to what to say. I can see she is getting thinner. It breaks my heart. I have not had good luck with loved ones with cancer. They have all passed. So I am really looking for a win on this one, because frankly it would break my heart. I know this is my selfish view from the outside. I can’t imagine how my friends are dealing with it. That again breaks my heart, knowing there is not really anything I can do to help. I can’t heal her; I can’t donate an organ or marrow. All I can do is be there for them when the need me, and let them know that I love them. The fight is far from over. I know it sounds like I have already thrown in the towel. But I haven’t, nor will I. I owe my friends more than that. So that is kind of why I have not been doing much, well any writing lately. I am trying to wrap my head around this. So Geek Happenings has kind of taken a back seat for now.  

Heavy questions for a Sunday morning.

What would you do if you found out that someone you had just started following on Twitter has cancer? Would you keep following them as if nothing is wrong? Would you be afraid of starting a friendship up knowing that it could end up breaking your heart? This is something I have recently found myself faced with. I know the right answer is to go in with both feet and cultivate a friendship. Is it the honest answer though? I would like to think that it was for me, and that I would not give it a second thought. I tend to think of the people I follow and interact with on Twitter as friends. No I am not going to go the Manti Te’o route, but I would definitely be upset is something happened to one of them. So there lies the dilemma. I have lost a lot of real life close people to cancer and every time it breaks my heart. Would I rather not have know them and not had to go through watching them die? No. They were my family. We had awesome times together, which made their passing hurt even more. I want to try and put myself into the person with cancer’s shoes. Would I want people treating me differently because I have this disease? Would I not want to have a friend when I needed them most because I have this disease? The answer to both questions is absolutely not. People with cancer have got enough things going on with chemo, transfusions, radiation, and doctors visits. How could I abandon someone during this time because it is inconvenient, or that I don’t want to feel bad? Imagine how they are feeling.

With people that are sick I see a lot of people pulling back from them because of these feelings. There are also issues of not really knowing what to say to the person. Do you avoid the elephant in the room? Do you talk about it? Maybe the person that is sick is tired of talking about it. I think what the sick person most wants is to be treated normally, to have a normal life, in spite of everything they are going through. I know it is hard when you see the physical toll that they disease takes on them. I remember going to visit my aunt before she passed away from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. We talked about what was on TV, what was happening with me, anything but her failing health. I am glad I took that time to go see her, as much as it broke my heart to see her like that. She was the first person that I lost as an adult, and when I could actually process the feelings. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

So I keep coming back to the same question. Why would I want to put myself through that kind of hurt again? The answer: it is not about me. It is about being a better person. It is about helping out any way I can. It is by trying to give a sick person friendship. I am not saying I am perfect by any stretch, but I can listen, I can make inappropriate jokes with the best of them. Love and prayers go out to the people fighting this horrible disease, you are the bravest people I know. Keep up the good fight, and never give up.

From the top to the middle.....

I was over at my parents doing some tech support yesterday, when my mom gave me a folder of papers that I had left at my sisters when I had been living with her. They were my separation papers from Electronic Data Systems. The first sheet said: To whom it may concern: Brett DaSilva has been employed by Electronic Data Systems from 12/8/1997 to 5/22/2009. When I read the sheet memories hit me like a locomotive. EDS was my first real job. Jen and I had just gotten married three months before I started. Before that I was a kid going nowhere fast. I was a manager at Wendys, I was making about 16k a year working crappy hours. The first suit I ever bought was for the interview. Thank goodness I got the job. I could not believe it. I was making 26k a year. I had to wear a suit to work every day. I had a job I could be proud of. I had a job where I was making more money than I ever had in my life. I started out on the phones taking calls from Xerox employees. I worked my way up to supervisor of the helpdesk. Things could not have been going better. We got bonuses, we got recognition, I had about 15 people under me. Life was good. Then EDS started closing down the helpdesks in Michigan in about 2004.

 I had to make a choice. Move down to Kentucky with the jobs, or be out of a job. This was one of those life changing decisions that come along. I made the wrong one. I moved Jen and I away from our family and friends and made the move to Kentucky. I was ill prepared for what awaited for me when I got down there. I ended up being demoted back to answering the phones. I had lost my support system and was lost. I was moved from job to job, but never really found myself down there. I was never the performer down there that I was in Michigan. I had gambled and lost. Then came the day when I got the call into my manager’s office. I was being laid off. After twelve years with the company I was being kicked to the curb. Holy self-esteem hit Batman. I was lost. When I started at EDS I was 26. I believed that like my parents you found a company worked there for 20 or 25 years, and then you retired. That is no longer true. We were hundreds of miles from home. I was jobless and Jen was working at Wendys. I was making 45K a year when I got laid off. I went from that to making 250 a week on unemployment.

We could no longer afford to stay in Kentucky so we moved back to Michigan with my tail between my legs. I blamed myself for what happened. I felt worthless. We ended up moving into my sister’s basement. I got a job at Kelly Services, I worked there for about a year, and then again I got laid off. By then I was wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Am I really that bad? I worked a few other temp jobs for Kelly before finally ending up at Siemens. I have been there for a year and I still look over my shoulder every day. I have some of the top numbers on the desk. I know I am doing a good job, but well I have been burned before. It has taken me three years to get back to the pay I was getting working for EDS.  

Now I am considering a career change. I am not happy answering phones. I really like writing, and interviewing people. I see others doing this and getting paid for it. I am like I want to do that. I am not quite sure how to get there yet, but people are starting to know my name. I have to keep being ignorant and keep asking people who I probably should have no right talking to for an interview. I have to, as the great philosopher Kevin Cronin said, keep pushing. I have to put EDS behind me. I have to know I have a good support system here now. I have to look forward. So I put the folder in a box that I never look in and keep my eyes to the future.

When opportunity knocks

Lately is has been hard to wrap my head around the people that I have had the honor of being able to talk to and even interview. I guess sometimes ignorance is bliss. I was not a real big TV watcher or Buff the Vampire Slayer Fan. I don’t know why. I think it was at a time when I was not really watching much TV. So I have to say I was not too familiar with a lot of actors, and I don’t usually make a big deal out of actors or sports people. I guess I try to treat the people the same as anyone else. Luckily the people I have been able to interview have been great. No egos, where they could have every right to have one. From Kristen Nedopak, to Helena Santos Levy, and Lauren McFall, in the acting realm, to Hans Pasricha and Garrett Schultz, game designers from Leviathan Interactive, to writer Blake Northcott, I have been really fortunate to be able to talk to these people. These are probably some of the coolest moments of my life when I look back on it. Though at the time it was all professional and getting the interview done. Looking back on it now, it is like whoah, how did I get these people to give me the time of day? How the heck did I even get the courage up to even ask for these interviews?

I guess being behind a computer screen definitely helps. I am not sure if I would have the same bravery if meeting the people face to face. I guess being behind a computer screen and being brave does not have to mean being a jerk to people without fear of repercussions, it can also be used to channel the bravery into talking to people that you would not normally talk to and ask for an interview. There a bunch of clichés about chances not taken, well they are clichés because they are true. I would never have had the chance to talk to these folks if I had not asked the question. What is the worst they can do? I guess say no is the big one. One of the first rules that I have is to treat people with respect. If you are a jerk to people, the chances of them wanting to do an interview with you are going to be slim to none. I know I may never be a writer for Variety or Entertainment Weekly, but writing for Expert Comics has opened a lot of doors for me and given me some credibility. For that I will be forever grateful.

I will always be fans of the people that I have interviewed, hopefully even friends with some of them. When I read about their successes it makes me so happy for them. These are the hardest working people I have talked to and every success is earned, so I could not be happier for them. This post was not to brag, or to think I am cool or anything. Those that know me know cool is not a word associated with me, but it is just a reflection about how lucky I have been, and that a question never asked is an opportunity passed. Wow was that a lame line, but no less true. I appreciate all of the people I have been able to talk to or interact with on Twitter. Sometimes social media sucks, but it also provides opportunities and allows you to cultivate friendships with people you have never met in real life.

Here are some of the Twitter handles of folks that are going places and are great people.

Kristen Nedopak creator of the Skyrim Parodies @Nedopak

Blake Northcott writer of VS Reality and Relapse @ComicBookGrrl

Helena Santos-Levy Also from Skyrim Parodies @helsvy

Lauren McFall Skyrim Parodies and host extraordinaire @CLOSETGEEK1

These are just a few of the great people I have had the chance to interview. Great folks all.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

So a few posts ago I wrote about finding my voice. Well now I have to decide what I want to do with that voice, and if I am good enough to do anything with it. Working at Expert Comics has got me writing. Reading the articles I can tell when I am doing some decent writing and when the writing is so bad I can't even read it. I think my best articles are the interviews. I think I think I can say that with confidence. I am especially proud of my interview with the developers from Project Lodus . I like to have someone to bounce things off of, and working with creative and passionate people brings out the best in me. So is that what I want to do? Do interviews? I look at my reviews and articles and I think boring. I don't know if it is just that I am not that interesting or if it is just me? Do I want to do op-ed pieces? Do I want to try writing a book? I just don't know. I know that I don't like what I am doing at my day job. But I don't know how to parlay my writing into a paying gig, or if I am even good enough to do it. We write articles for Expert and we maybe get one comment on the article that we write. So I have no idea how I am doing really. I don't want comments as a means to an ego boost, but to use them to see what people like, what they don't like. I mean my degree is in IT, not English. So I am kind of lagging behind in that respect. I don't have any formal writing training. I wrote papers in school, but I hated doing them then, so maybe that is a bad sign. But then again, that was about subjects that I really did not care for.
I have been asking around about web hosts, and I am really interested in doing podcasts. Of course I know nothing about doing these either. Like I said learning on the job. So lets see my list of to do things, consists of learning how to write better, getting a website, learning how to podcast, figuring out how I can make money with all of this. Easy peasey right? It is probably not the smartest thing to do, considering a career change at 41 years of age. It would be different if I just had to worry about myself, but I have a wife to support and cats that get very angry when they are not fed on time. So for now I am working on building contacts and relationships through Twitter. I am trying to learn from these people that are on the path to where I want to be. I know it sounds cliché, but I don’t want to be one of those people who hates their job and wonders what if I would have only done this or that. I actually want to be happy in what I am doing. I think it would translate into other aspects of my life as well and make me a lot happier. I find myself being really angry lately, especially while at and leaving work. A change needs to be definitely made. So right now I am a rudderless ship looking for somewhere to land. Hopefully I will find land soon.

15 years

This is going to be a different post than usual.

How our anniversaries go. No money to go anywhere to get anything. We have to wait a week to do anything, yet this woman still stays with me. I am not quite sure why. I am not good looking, I make average pay, yet she still loves me. It is one of lifes great mysteries. We have been married for fifteen years today. People said it would not last. It has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I did not date in school. I only dated one other girl, and that did not really count. It was only two dates, and she moved away. So she has been it. She saw through my faults. She saw through this person who was a manager at Wendys at the time and asked me out. Yep, you heard that right. SHE asked ME out. I was not exactly a ladies man, as I have mentioned, so asking a girl out was out of the question, but SHE asked ME out. She took a chance on me. I am not exactly sure what she saw in me. We have been together through a lot. Me getting laid off three times, having to move to Kentucky for six years and coming back to Michigan to live in my sister’s basement for a year. Still she is here. I guess you could call her a glutton for punishment. I may not be able to provide her with a huge house or jewelry, but I can be there for her. I was there when her brother passed unexpectedly. I was there when her Aunt passed. So that I can do, I can provide support. I can provide a shoulder to cry on. In the long run I figure that means more than material things. She has made me a better person. I am really not sure where I would be if we had not gotten together. I was working a dead end job at Wendys. As I mentioned no girlfriend, so I figured I was going to be on my own for the rest of my life. Then she came into my life. I quit Wendys. Got a job with EDS as tech support, making twice what I was at Wendys. I am not sure I would have had the courage to quit Wendys. I had been there for a long time. But now I had someone else besides myself to look out for. I knew I had to find something better. It has not been easy. EDS closed down the offices up here and moved everyone down to Kentucky. So it was either follow or have no job, so we packed up the truck and moved to Lexington. Where after a couple of years down there I got laid off from there, twice, so we ended up moving back home to Michigan to live in my sister’s basement. If I was going to be unemployed, might as well do it around family. Still she was there. I went through a couple different jobs, but I think I have finally found one that is going to stick. *crosses fingers* Still she is with me. This 41 year old man that collects comics, likes all things nerd, she is still there. What more can I ask for. At the end of the day we are there for each other and that is all that matters. Material things come and go, but the bond endures. I love you Jen.

Remembering my Uncle Ray

Tomorrow we are finally putting my Uncle Ray to rest. He passed away in May of cancer, but it was down in their winter home in Florida so we could not be there. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of going up to his and my Aunt Shirley's cottage at Torch Lake. They had everything a kid could want up there. Motorcycles, snow mobiles, boats. There was never a boring moment up there. He also had a great collection of old radio shows like The Shadow, and Flash Gordon. I used to get so creeped out when that voice came on, "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!"The days were spent driving around the lake in his Sea Ray boat. Either fishing or stopping off at the many restaurants around the lake. They were also spent riding motorcycles or in the winter snowmobiles. There was so much to do up there and it was part of my formative life. I was never afraid of motorcycles or snowmobiles because I grew up with them. Above that I came away with a love for the water that I still have today. No place I would rather be.
As I grew up I helped out in the print shop that he owned and my dad worked at. When I started High School, I went to live with him and my Aunt Shirley until my parents closed on their house. By then he was into horses and had Thoroughbreds at his house that he kept there until they had their foals. I had never seen an animal be born until I went to live with him. That is something that you never forget when you see a foal being born and taking its first steps. They never had anything to say when I lived there. I never felt like a stranger there. But as time goes on we grew apart. I am not sure what happens with married couples, but it seems that one side of the family seems to not be seen as often. This is what happened with my parents. I am not sure how the decision gets made, but holidays and birthdays were always spent with my moms side of the family. We kind of grew apart from the DaSilva side of the family. So I had not seen my uncle and the DaSilva side of the family for years. Probably since my grandmother had died. You think that time is going to last forever, the people you love will be there forever. Unfortunately that is not the case. People pass away and the time is lost. I am going to make sure that I don't lose any more time and try to reach out to that side of the family. You only get each minute once. One it passes it is gone. Don't waste them. This is one of the last pictures taken of him with my dad and my Cousin Dennis.

His prayer card

I’m sure God has a ranch in Heaven
A place for cowboys to call home
With dusty trails and deep passes
Where cows and horses freely roam
I picture you up on a ledge
Gazing at the draws below
Leaning forward with your Thirty X
Stetson hat pulled way down low
I can ‘bout hear the leather creaking
When your gelding switches feet
Your spurs softly jingle in the wind
Your rope’s tied on and coiled neat
There is contentment on your face
You’re happy, but I can’t pretend,
Though I’m glad you’ve made God’s journey,
That I can truly comprehend
In my earthly ways I question
The reasons God took you away
I guess the timing was exactly right
To enter Heaven on that day
The only comfort I have found
That puts my grief to rest
Is that God only takes the top hands
Because His crew’s the very best
We still cry and we sure miss you
And all the things that might have been
But God needed one more cowboy
And He felt you’d fit right in
So He sent down all His ranch hands
An extra horse stood at their side
Then he softly whispered to you
“Saddle up, my friend, let’s ride”

God Speed Uncle Ray

Finding my voice

One thing that you are never without on the internet is a voice. Granted some are louder than others. Mine is really little more than a squeak right now, but it is getting louder. Granted some people use their voices for the wrong thing like bullying people, but I think the majority of people are using their voices and searching for the best way to get their voice heard. Using my voice on Twitter, a place when I first started on it, I knew nobody, I would never have come into contact with people like Blake Northcott, Patty Robinson, and Kristen Nedopak.  For instance if I would not have used my voice to ask the editor at Expert Comics about an opening that they had for a columnist, I would never had gotten a column to write and again use my voice. Still the voice is pretty quiet, but getting louder. Without this column, I would never have had the courage to ask Blake Northcott or Kristen Nedopak to do interviews with them for Expert. Frankly I was a bit out of my league and I am still learning the ropes. But I asked and they graciously said yes. A question not asked receives no answer. So I dove head in. Besides, what is the worse that could have happened? I have dealt with a lot of rejection. What’s a little more? Thankfully Things turned out different, and I have been introduced to even more people who I really have no business talking to like Helenna Santos Levy, Lauren McFall, and Patty Jean Robinson, as well as all of my friends from Expert Comics who have been huge helps. When I first started Twitter I just figured it would just be another social networking site, but it is more than that. Is has given me opportunities that I would never have had otherwise. Now I am still small time, but I am using my voice for all it is worth, and it is being heard.

I think I have found what I want to be when I grow up at 41. Granted I would like to be getting paid cash monies for it, but you have to start somewhere. I am getting my name out there. People are referring people to me (Thanks Kristen). But it all started with asking questions. Talking to people, using my voice, the most powerful thing you can have on the internet. So don’t be of rejection. Take chances. Get in on the conversation. You will be surprised who answers. I know I was. But you will never know until you use your voice. Ask the question. Be respectful. Don’t take things personally. I know I am new in this business, so take this as you will. But I am going to be heard. Thanks to everyone who has helped along the way. Your help means so much.

Are there unwritten rules to Twitter?

I have been following some folks on Twitter who are up and coming actors, and I have seen them handle followers one of two ways. Either they follow the people that follow them, or they have like a thousand followers and only follow like 40. To me I think that having someone follow you and listen to what you have to say deserve to be followed back, provided they are not sales or porn bots. I think I owe it to the people that follow me to show them the courtesy to follow them back. Granted I only have about one hundred and fifty followers, but I feel like I own them something. I am not sure if the people who only follow like 40 people out of thousands are using it as some kind of a power play. Oh look you are special enough for me to follow you. I guess I am a contradiction because I also do not like people that beg you to follow them. I had the experience of a supposed up and comer asking me why I unfollowed them, when they were not even following me back. What the heck? Do they have a tracker that tracks people that unfollow them so they can stalk them? Get real, you are not that big.

Another thing that I like to do is try to respond to peoples Tweets. Again I think it is only polite, if you are going to follow someone, you would hopefully find something they say that would be interesting enough to respond to. I guess that is another contradiction that I have. It is sometimes hard for me to keep up with folks, especially on Fridays with all of the FF’s. So I can imagine it would be hard if I had a ton of people that I follow. I guess that is how I end up being a speed bump in people’s timelines because they do follow a lot of people and don’t see half of the Tweets. I am not sure what a happy medium would be. I just know that participation drives Twitter, and is what makes me want to come back to it. It has afforded me the opportunity to communicate with people that I would never have been able to communicate with otherwise, and meet a ton of cool people. It also got me a semi-paid writing gig. So even though I have been on Twitter for quite a while now, I am still trying to figure it out. Rule number one never take it too seriously. Rule number two, when you send a response to an actor, musician, writer, or other people don’t expect anything back. It makes it all the more special when you do receive a response.

I am appreciative of all of my followers. Wish I had something cool to offer like some of the cool artists, writers, and actors on my list, but unfortunately all you get is me. I guess I will have to make it worth your while.

Being inclusive as a nerd

There is a war going on and we don't even know it. How is that for a first line? The war I am talking about it between the nerds and the so called "fake nerds." It is being fought on the interwebs, on message boards, social media sites, and blogs. Since when have nerds complained about having people that are attractive coming into our fold? Why would somebody who is attractive want to face the life of a geek if they did not want to? A lot of my life had been faced with ridicule and socially awkward situations that come from being a geek, or nerd, or whatever the term is these days. People admit to liking gaming or comics because they like them, not because they think it will make them cool. It is quite the opposite. So to call them posers is ridiculous. What do they have to gain? Being a nerd who has been excluded from most things in their life, we of all people should be the ones saying come on in, the water’s fine. I know we have been hurt, we know the derisive looks that people give us and the patronizing, “Oh you read comic books.” So our first instinct is to want to lash out at the beautiful people, and say “Hey you can’t be a member of our club.” But we need to get over that. We of all people should be accepting of anyone, because we know what it is like to not be accepted by pretty much anyone.

I know a lot of us are socially awkward and have problems having conversations with other people. We would much rather be left alone to read comics or do some gaming. I know for me years of ridicule and loneliness have gotten me kind of jaded on the whole people thing, and sometimes the old high school insecurities come out when I least want them to, and I am 41. I know what it is like not have many friends. I had one friend through elementary school, through junior high. Before starting high school my parents moved and I started a whole new high school not knowing anyone. I really don’t remember many of the people that I went to high school with. I had more friends when I started working than I ever had at school. But I got through it. I still only have maybe one friend that I hang out with on a regular basis. I am not sure why. Maybe I don’t try hard enough to meet new people. Maybe it is still that feeling that I am not good enough. Anyway the point of this is that I know exclusion and I have promised myself not to exclude other people, because I would never want them to feel like I did. We of the nerd community need to be accepting of all comers, no matter what they look like or what their geek cred is. Come on in. The water’s fine

So you want a career in comics?

     You may want to consider a different career. It is not for people that simply want to dabble in it or want to get into it on a whim. It takes some serious sacrifice, balancing life, and most times another career, with trying to do something that they truly love. They are not getting rich at it by any means, and are into it for the love of the medium. Since joining Twitter I have had the fortune of getting to know several of these people who love comics, and are taking their careers into their own hands. I get kind of a chance to see behind the curtain so to speak, and see the hard work that goes into making the comics that arrive in your hot little hands at the local comic shop.

     Two such people are writer Brian Apodaca and Artist Benny Jordan, the creative team behind the comic Zombie Outlaw. You may recall that I reviewed issue number one on this blog back in October of last week. Well the intrepid creative team is getting ready to release issue number two of the series and came out with an Ashcan issue with a preview of issue number two. The Ashcan picks up from the end of issue number one with the kids from Irvine State University having just met the Zombie Outlaw himself and coming out on the losing side. The art is still the cartoony style of issue one, but the panels are more well organized and the flow is better than the first issue. This shows a growth by Benny and his art style. The back cover of the Ashcan also features are really nice looking alternate cover of issue number two by Mark Alvarado. Here it is here.

     I had the opportunity to aske Brian and Benny some questions about the delay between issues one and two, and also what they had been up to in the mean time. It turns out that there were some major life changes for both of them, and more on the way. They have also been busy on the convention scene trying to get word out about Zombie Outlaw. Here is the interview. Thanks to both of them for their time.

Hey guys,
Thanks for sending me the Ashcan and cards. I figured I would ask some questions. 

Brian: Thanks for taking the time to ask us some questions, Brett.    I'm not sure if Benny e-mailed you back, but I'll try best to give the answers that I feel are valid. 

Geeki Happenings: So it will be almost a year between issues one and two. I know there have been additions to the family and life issues. Have you been working on other things in the meantime? 

Brian: In the past year, Benny has gotten married and had a daughter.   I have worked a lot of hours, not as many as my fiance, but quite a bit, and traveled to Cancun for a Wedding.    Also,  I just mentioned my fiance, so - yes - I also got engaged.   I'm currently working on getting a block of rooms at a Hampton Inn in Paso Robles.   So if anyone knows anyone, give me a holler!   But yeah, we've both been quite busy.   The main thing, though, is we're doing this currently for the love of comics - and we would, of course like that to evolve into getting paid for it - at which point the issues will come flying at you FAST and FURIOUS!

Benny: I have done one other comic between issue 1 of Zombie Outlaw and this next issue. It was a comic for Scattered Comics Studios called Shadow Hunters. It was a completely different style for me. A bit more Anime as opposed to the cartoony style of Z.O. I am currently doing concepts for the next issue of that in between my work on Zombie Outlaw and adjusting to life with my new daughter.

Geek Happenings: When issue number two comes out, are you guys going to be getting on a more normal distribution schedule?
 

Brian: If issue #2 is a HUGE success, rocketing us to comics' superstardom, then issue #3 will come out shortly thereafter.   If not, it will be another year or two before issue #3 hits.  

Hopefully, the first scenario will play out!  :)

Benny:  Regarding a more normal distribution schedule...well, as I said, I have a new child in my life now, so nothing is normal at the moment. Though I am going to try.

Geek Happenings: I saw that you guys did the Comikaze Expo last year. How was that experience?  Any plans on doing more cons this year?

Brian: We enjoyed immensely the Comikaze Expo in Los Angeles this past year!  It was the FIRST EVER Comikaze Expo, and we really enjoyed being a part of it.  I spent the better part of a year hyping the Comikaze Expo on twitter preceding the actual event, so it was gratifying for me personally to experience it and to realize that I was correct in supporting it.   Regina Carpinelli, the CEO of Comikaze Expo, is a true professional, and her whole staff was nothing but helpful!   We really hope to be there next year, with the 2nd issue of ZOMBIE OUTLAW hot off the presses and ready to share with the public.    Maybe we can even do a panel!    Anyone interested in the Comikaze Expo in Los Angeles should check out their website,http://www.comikazeexpo.com !and follow them on Twitter:  @ComikazeExpo       Very cool people!

We just did the LA Zinefest on February 19th, and that was a blast!    We had a booth alongside Sean Stepanoff, who puts out GRISTLE magazine, among other books!

He's a very talented creator, whom we hope to see at future venues.    Check out his stuff on etsy:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/GristlePublications

Finally, we'll be at the Wonder-Con in Anaheim, and that's coming up in March!   We're looking forward to that.  

Anyone interested in attending should check out the Comic-Con website, http://www.comic-con.org  

Benny: Yes, Comikaze was great. We did a lot better than had anticipated. It was a lot of fun and we made some great contacts. We will be at Wondercon this year as it is being held in Anaheim, literally a couple blocks away from my home. And as to any other conventions, Brian is the one who sets those up. He just tells me where to be. It works out well for me that way. I don't have to concentrate on anything but the art.

Geek Happenings: I see that the cartoony art style is still in effect for issue number two. As I mentioned in the review of issue number one it is definitely a lot different feel than more serious zombie comics such as the walking dead. It is almost like an all ages zombie comic. Was this something that you guys had planned or did it just come out that way?
 

Brian: I don't think we really heavily planned it as an all-ages book, and there are definitely some things in there that most kids will not probably understand or appreciate, either for generational reasons, or perhaps because the humor level is not up the standards of some children.    To call some of our humor childish would be an insult to children!  It's a mixed bag, really, although I guess you could say the outlook or worldview is definitely child-like.    But there are certain totems and symbols or iconography sprinkled throughout the first two issues that people under 30 might have trouble appreciating.  

Benny: Yes the artwork is still very cartoony. I'm really not sure how we came to have it that way, so I suppose it just happened. And it works great with Brian's sense of humor. This issue has some slight differences from the last. I view the first issue of Zombie Outlaw as being out "pilot" issue. After many great reviews and critiques I decided to make some changes in the way some of the characters look. Not huge changes, but just enough that is flows better for me as the artist and hopefully for the reader. I'm also concentrating on better backgrounds and panel usage. The first issue was lacking in that department.

Geek Happenings: The cover for issue number two in the back of the ashcan is definitely a different style and feel. Who did it? Is that going to be an alternate cover, because on the cards it shows a cover by Benny. 

Brian: Benny's cover will be the OFFICIAL cover to the 2nd issue.   We have several amazing artists who've contributed alternate covers or pin-ups for issue #2.    Not sure at this point if we will use any of them for ALTERNATE or VARIANT covers, but most of the pin-ups we've received from the many talented artists who've done THEIR takes on our characters WILL be in a pin-up section at the back of issue #2!     Mark Alvarado, by the way, is the artist you're referring to at the back of the Ashcan/Preview for issue #2 which we premiered at Comikaze Expo a few months back.   Mark's a great artist, and has some projects of his own in the works, but yeah - his stuff is great and we were really happy to get him to do HIS version of our characters.    A very cool image!

Benny: Regarding the "alternate cover" on the back of the ashcan issue: I'm not quite shure if that will be used as a cover or not somewhere down the line. We decided to use a different piece for the cover of the ashcan so that when the second issue is actually released it will still feel "fresh". I put a lot of work into the second cover. we got some good responces for the first, but I, as the artist, feel it didn't have the impact that I really wanted. the second issue cover is something that I'm pretty proud of, and I hope others will be just as excited about it.

Here is Benny's cover for issue number two

 
Well thanks again for the time fellas. Feel free to include anything you want to be promoted or any appearances.

Check out Benny's page at Deviantart:    BPJILLUSTRATION.DAPORTFOLIO.COM/

Issue #1 of ZOMBIE OUTLAW is on sale at comixpress:    http://www.comixpress.com

Check out the main Zombie Outlaw website, as well as our facebook page!  

http://www.zombieoutlaw.com   AND   http://www.facebook.com/zombieoutlawcomic

Anyone interested in getting in touch with the writer, Brian, can find him on Twitter:   www.twitter.com/capn_midnight

Carbon Leaf CD and DVD review..

I know it has been a while, but I felt I needed to write something. So I have been watching Carbon Leaf's Live, Acoustic...And In Cinemascope. This is an Acoustic DVD and two CD set that they released last year. It was recorded in a studio that they recorded in called In Your Ear Studios. This is the most stripped down I have ever seen the band. It is just five guys on stools playing for a small intimate audience. With it being so stripped down you can really concentrate on the musicianship. Carter Gravatt, the bands lead guitarist trades in his guitar for a mandolin for most of the songs. He can play anything with strings. He is so good. He fills in the guitar parts with the mandolin and they totally make sense. Barry Privett the lead singer has never sounded better. With the advent of lip synching and studio effects, it is nice to hear his voice sounding like the CD with no enhancements. The songs cover their whole catalog which is great being able to hear their older songs that they don't bring out very often, such as November (Make Believe), and Attica's flowerbox window. The thing that really distinguishes this show from a normal Carbon Leaf show is the energy. Regular Carbon Leaf Shows are high energy affairs with plenty of dancing. This was much more laid back. Terry Clark the bands rhythm guitarist even mentioned that they were trading energy for staying in tune.

The tuning of the instruments lead to a lot of stories in between songs while the rest of the band was tuning their instruments. It really showed off the bands sense of humor and you get to learn about the inception of the songs. You get a lot more of this in the extras on the DVD which are great. The extras consist of outtakes of the band talking between the songs, as well as a Q&A from the audience. The extras also include two songs from an electric show that they played at the National in Virginia. I really would have liked to have seen more of that show. This is Just for the DVD. In the package is also a 2 CD set of the show. The sound quality is excellent. Here is a sample from the DVD. It is a song called Blue Ridge Laughing. Enjoy

Funeral Potatoes

I became aware of Kiri Callaghan through Twitter and a mutual acquaintance Blake Northcott when she did a Follow Friday. Her awesome bio hooked me. Through Kiri's Tweets I became aware that she was writing a one act play called Funeral Potatoes. You can buy the Kindle version here for .99 . I bought the play today and was blown away. The story is about two friends in their twenties Kismet and Vera. The story opens with Kismet and Vera sharing a normal shopping trip trying on clothes. This really establishes the relationship between the two friends. The character interplay and banter is done really well and you feel like you know the characters. The fun eventually turns to Kismets funeral, and what starts out as banter until the reality of the situation falls on them. The audience really finds out how bad Kismets situation is when she wakes up afer an episode with Vera having returned from a funeral. This is the scene where the Funeral Potatoes come in. My favorite scenes of the play are the ones told from the point of view of Kismets mind. This is where are the reflection comes in and she shows her fears and tries to come to grips with what is happening to her. One of the poignant parts of the scenes are the clock ticking in the background. You can almost feel the time running out.

The questions that Kismet asks herself are ones we can all identify with. Is there anything after we die? Did we do enough with our lives? Is this all there is? As someone who has their issues with death, I really identified with her. This book asks a lot of questions but does not answer many. That is left up to the audience. The characterization is great in the book, and we can only hope that we all have friend like Vera.

If you want to read more from Kiri she is currently working with Blake Northcott on a novelization of Luna a were-wolf themed TV pilot that is currently in development from creators John Ceallach, and Randy J. Goodwin of The Vampire Diaries.

You can also find her on Twitter @KiriCallaghan

Of Geek Girls, Sasquatch, and other myths...

Let me preface this with saying I am kind old, like 40 old. There has been a lot of talk lately about Geek Girls not getting their due, and comparing themselves to the mythical Unicorn. People have heard of girls that like Star Wars, comics, and playing D&D, but nobody has even seen them. The stories of them bounced around Geek Boys basements everywhere. Where geek boys got together with their friends and did some gaming, or watched some Science Fiction, there was talk about this fictional member of the opposite sex. Let me tell you I was one of those guys. When I grew up guys played with GI-Joe, girls played with Barbie. Girls looked down on Star Wars as boring, and playing D&D as lame. In my family there was not one female that hung out with the males in the family and our geeky pursuits.

Then fast forward to about 2004. This is when some guys at work talked me into playing World of Warcraft, the MMORPG. In this game I came across people from all walks of life, including females. This was totally new to me and the first inkling that something different was going on. As time went on, not only were females good at the game, they were guild and raid leaders. This would have been a place reserved for males just a few years before. Times they were a changing. Then a few years ago I joined Twitter and it opened up a whole new world to me. I went in knowing very few people. One of those people goes by the name of MsMarvelGirl on Twitter. She is a young graphic artist that is an avid Marvel comic reader. Through her, and probably because of my Twitter handle hulksmash02 I was introduced to a whole gaggle of Geek Girls.

One of the first was Felicia Day. I came across her name when someone recommended the Guild web series. Now she is a Goddess among Geek Girls. Geek Girls are out there. They not only read science fiction they write it. They are artists, actresses, web series writers and stars, they are big name celebrities. They also are not going away, nor should you as Geek Boys want them to. Now is a great time for you to meet someone with the same interests, that knows what a Tardis is, and can kick your ass at Halo. Ok maybe the last may not be that great, but you get my meaning. They are real and they are out there waiting for you to say hello. They are just as shy and awkward as you and it may take some time, but it will be totally worth it. Just treat them with respect, don't freak out, and don't immediately comment on their boobs. Here is just a list of just a few really cool and talented Geek Girls that you can follow on Twitter.



@ComicBookGrrl

@fightmaven

@ComixBookGurl

@Geekyjessica

@pattyjrobinson

@amy_geek

@slackerheroes

@amyokuda

@feliciaday

@MsMarvelGirl

You really can go home again...

I just finished reading The New Teen Titans Graphic Novel called Games. This book was over twenty years in the making and boy was it worth it. With the advent of the DCnU I never thought I would care about a comic again. Then I read this Graphic Novel. It is written by Marv Wolfman and George Perez the creators of the New Teen Titans. It was started over twenty years ago so there are some continuity differences in the story but it is written with characters that I grew up with and how I remember them being written. Starfire is an alien warrior with a heart of gold, not the vapid bimbo that she is in the new DCnU book that she is in. Cyborg is grown up and a hero already not some kid that has not even turned into Cyborg yet that they have in the DNnU. Donna Troy is in it in her Troia identity, Nightwing is the leader, and Changeling goes from comic relief to being the heart of the book.  Danny Chase, one of my least favorite Titans becomes really likeable in this story.

      I keep going back to the DCnU because they have stomped all over the characters that I love and reading this book has brought that into great clarity. This is how comics should be written and drawn. The art by George Perez is gorgeous throughout the book, and Marv Wolfman writes a compelling story that not everyone comes away unscathed from. I never thought I would see this Titans team drawn by George and written by Marv again unless it was in re-releases. I never thought I would see one last original story of my favorite characters by my favorite creators. I really hope they see the magic they have and do some more together.

     The story itself is a time capsule of the 90’s but does not seem dated at all. It has the Titans team and surrounding characters from the 90’s Titans. The story is high stakes. There is an enemy that has found out all of the Titans friends and relatives. To coin the phrase, people live, people die, and the Titans will never be the same. The characterization is spot on and something that nobody else has come close to on the Titans since. Since it was started 20 years ago It definitely stands as standalone comic outside regular continuity. The dust jacket on the novel reads: Discover who the power players truly are In New Teen Titans: Games, the long anticipated swan song for one of the most beloved superhero sagas of all time. I could not have said it better myself.

What do you get when you cross John Wayne with a Zombie?

You get Zombie Outlaw. The new independent comic series from series writer Brian J. Apodaca and artist B. Paul Jordan. If you need your Zombie fix and are tired of the heaviness that is The Walking Dead, then this is the comic for you. The art and writing are breezy and the writing is an easy read. This comic takes place at Irvine State University where in the past one zombie is not trying to kill everyone but save a city from other zombies. I have gathered from the interview with the creative team we will learn more about them in subsequent issues. The badness starts in 1872 and continues until now. The three main characters are Will Simers the brains of the group and also pretty good at the love game. You have Matt Naismith the geek who is socially awkward and turns to Will for some help with the female lead K.T. Delaney. I don't want to give away spoilers here but there are zombies and definitely a cliff hanger. The art reminds me of Popeye and Mike Wierengo's work. Over the top but it works for the book. The lead zombie is a cowboy hat wearing zombie with a thirst for blood that also uses a gun. as you can see from the pic below. 

Cover of issue #1

Our hero Zombie Outlaw

I got a chance to ask the creative team some questions. They were kind enough to answer.


Geek Happenings: Paul. You have a really unique art style. Who were your influences for your art? Also are the green creatures zombies also? Are we going to find out more about them in future issues?

Benny Jordan: First off, go ahead and call me Benny.

    The influences for my art were Skottie Young, Mike Wierengo, and Carlos Meglia. Although my style reflects nothing of those artists, I appreciated the cartoonish flare that they put into their illustrations.  Many comics these days seem to have the same serious feel and style, so they become a bit stagnant to me. I wanted this book to have a sort of Saturday morning cartoon feel, being somewhat nostalgic.

    The first issue, art-wise, was not my best work.  I was still at an experimental stage with the art.  Since then I've gone on to work on a comic title for Scattered Comics Studios with Jason Dube called Shadow Hunters.  I learned a lot while doing that book.  Though the two books are completely different in art styles, I've taken what I've learned, as well as taking into consideration all the great reviews and critiques for the first Zombie Outlaw book, and have applied it to the second issue of "ZO".  My style is still quite similar to the first issue but the characters flow a little smoother, my panel layout is considerably better, and my backgrounds are going to be more than just negative space. So, for those who have read the first issue, the characters in issue 2 will have some slight differences.  I look at the first issue as being somewhat of a pilot episode, realizing what changes need to be made and applying them to the next.




Geek Happenings: Brian, did you have an idea where the story was going to go, or how many issues you wanted to do? Did you have a planned end spot?


Brian Apodaca: Ben and I have an idea for where the story is going to go, but no set-in-stone endpoint.    We have the feeling of it being open-ended, like a sitcom or classic animated series, like Transformers or G.I. Joe, with a fair helping of the classic Apatow comedies
like Freaks and Geeks or Undeclared influencing the style as well.   There's definitely some Undeclared in there, and I'm a big fan of Freaks and Geeks as well, so that naturally bleeds into the college-based story. I think with the artwork, as Benny has said, there's a lot of animated cartoon influence - maybe not so specific, but more of a general nostalgia for old cartoons we enjoyed watching - not just Transformers and G.I. Joe, but even Thundercats, Silverhawks, and even the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon and the Dragonslayer video game.   We're also both fans of the Scott Pilgrim books and the film adaptation.
  
    The College setting is the main base of the story, but the second issue is in production at this point, and there's a trip to a nearby Tiki-Bar that is frequented by some of the college students that becomes important as the story goes on.
   
    The second issue will introduce several new characters, and flesh out one of the characters we only saw briefly at the end of Issue #1 - Scooter Donatelli.   
   
    As to your question about the green creatures:   Yes, they were Zombies!   And we will see more of them as time goes on. There will also be another flashback/storytelling sequence from the Western Occult History book, which will reveal more about the 1870s (original!) Zombie Outlaw, Edward Dransby.

If you want to learn more about the Zombie Outlaw movement there are plenty of ways to get in touch and give comments.

1) Zombie Outlaw Facebook Page:     http://www.facebook.com/zombieoutlawcomic

2) The "Zombie Outlaw" creative team will be appearing at the ComiKaze Expo on November 5th and 6th  http://www.comikazeexpo.com

3) There is a "Zombie Outlaw - OUTBREAK" Cosplay Event happening October 23rd -  (Facebook-accessible link)  -  https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=253199048057438


So get your Zombie on.

Lucas you stole my childhood!

With the Star Wars: The complete saga Blue-rays coming out, the lightning rod that is George Lucas is in the news again. The previews I have seen on TV look stunning. I went to Amazon to see when it is coming out. I looked and it already had a two out of five star rating. How can people rate things that have not even come out yet? There were an amazing 775 one star reviews. The first review that I read was a rundown of supposed changes that were made or not made? These were made sight unseen. The next review is a review of what is listed on the packaging. I am not thinking these reviews as Fox News states are "fair and balanced."

Even some of my good friends are saying that he stole their childhoods by making Greedo shoot first, adding the Nooooo Darth Vader scene when he throws the Emperor down the shaft. What people don't realize or admit is that they would not have had these memories in the first place if George Lucas had not put his money into a space opera movie that nobody thought would succeed with relatively unknown actors. I turned forty this year and the first movie I can remember seeing was the original Star Wars A New Hope movie in 1977. I was six years old and will never forget the opening scene with the Star Destroyer coming into view chasing the Corellian Corvette. I will never forget the first scene of Darth Vader coming through the smoke after the boarding party. These are memories that nobody will be able to take from me no matter how many re-makes there are, or added footage is added. These scenes are embedded in my mind. What kid that has seen the movies has not reached towards something and tried to move it with the force. Heck I still do that. Unfortunately it has not worked yet.

People keep talking about Lucas bleeding money out of them. These are the same people that have these same memories that I do. But you know what? People have a choice. Last I checked Lucas was not holding a gun to my head making me buy all of his products. In fact I don't own any of the movies on DVD. I made a decision not to buy them. I know people are fans, short for fanatics and do crazy things and have to own every piece of starwars celluloid that comes out. But somewhere people have to have personal responsibility. In the end these are George Lucas' movies. He can do what he wants with them. It is up to you the consumer to decide whether to buy them. As for me, I will be one of the people buying the movies. I am actually looking forward to them. If another version comes out, I will not be buying them. I don't NEED them.

Do I think Lucas is perfect? No far from it, I think he has done some pretty bad things with his movies. such as shutting down a screening of the movies that a group had arranged. So he is far from a saint, but they are his movies. I liken this reaction the George R.R. Martin completing the Song of Ice and Fire books. People were threatening him if he did not come out with the next book. As I said before fans do strange things. But let’s not forget that it was these people that made us love these things in the first place. So as you see, the title of my post was kind of tongue and cheek.

 May the force be with you.

    

52 Pickup

     Weighing in on the new DCnU. DC comics are at it again, rebooting continuity. Something that they started in the mid-eighties with a maxi-series called Crisis on Infinite Earths. This series was supposed to have streamlined their comic lines continuity. We got a new Flash out of it, origins were changed, characters died or ended up never existing, and multiple earths got mashed into one. What followed was a cluster bleep of continuity that even DC could not keep up with and they just ended up saying screw it. I mean Donna Troy or Wonder Girl went through at least 3 origin changes depending on the whim who was writing her. I don’t think she knew whether she was coming or going.

     Following this we had Zero Hour another attempt at fixing the continuity, then came Identity Crisis, Infinite Crisis and a ton of other crisis’ to try and fix things. While it did provide a temporary band-aid and boost in sales, it did not last. It just confused the readership and kind of turned them off. Now we have the latest big thing. We have the rebooting of the entire DC line of comics, well almost. The Batman titles will have the same continuity. I guess because they were selling well and don’t fix what aint broke as they say. This adds even more confusion.  So now we have a younger Superman that is not married to Lois Lane and focusing more on the alien aspect of his origin. This makes a pretty un-relatable character even more so. So here we are again. This seems like a money grab to me. I don’t know if it will last after the initial shininess wears off. Hopefully people like Gail Simone, Jim Lee, and Geof Johns will prove me wrong.

Carbon Leaf

My favorite band that you have probably never heard of. Carbon Leaf is from Virginia. The band consists of Barry Privett on vocals, Terry Clark on guitars, Carter Gravatt on guitars, Jon Markel on bass, and Jason Neal on drums. I was introduced to them by a friend that gave me a CD with both them and the band Moxy Fruvous on it. I listened to the Carbon Leaf songs and they just blew me away lyrically and musically. Their older music had a Celtic feel to it. They have since gone away from it on their later CD's but still play the songs live. This is the first band I have heard that can make a mandolin cool. They are so gracious to their fans. After every gig they hang out afterwards and talk to fans. This is after having probably drove for miles in a van to get to the gig, and then playing a two hour show. I have gotten to talk to them three times and have two signed set lists among my prized posessions.
The first video of their I am going to post is a song called "What about everything" They played a show at Virginia Tech after the shootings in 2007. It looked to be an extremely emotional show. It also shows how great they are to their fans.

The song lyrics mean a lot to me. I actually have a T-shirt from one of their shows with the lyrics to the song on it.

The second time I saw them was on my birthday. I could not have asked for a better birthday present. We got to the venue early and heard music coming out of the venue. My wife and friend and I walked in and they were doing sound check. We got to listen to them doing a song 5 feet in front of us and then got to record a video that they posted to Twitter before the show. Amazing night. Here is the video. They did a one mic version of their song "Block of Wood." Amazing. Here is the video. The people Barry is talking about in it are my wife and friend and I.

Then here is the Celtic sound that I opened up with. A song called "The Boxer"

Hope you enjoy the post and videos. They are a band close to my heart. You can follow them on Twitter @carbonleaf , and find them on the web at www.carbonleaf.com

If a joke falls flat in Twitter world will anyone hear it?

I have a love\hate relationship with Twitter right now. I need to keep my mantra of not taking things personally, and trying not to let my awkward self out so much. Sometimes I look at my timeline and think the joke is way over my head and that everyone is friends with each other but me. I guess that is what happens when I decide to follow people that all know each other and work in the same industry. It is a tough nut to crack. For the most part people are really nice about responding to a Tweet. So people are really great. I mean they don't know me. They probably have never heard of this blog. I mean I really don't have a whole lot to offer people. I don't have a million followers so I can't help promote things. I don't work in the industry. The writing that I do is a hobby and not a job. I am not a professional. So if I come off sounding awkward sometimes I apologize. Sometimes my inner geek comes out too much.

     I do want to thank Jessica Mills of Awkward Embraces. You can find her on Twitter at Geekyjessica. She is so gracious to her fans and is also hysterical. Another really gracious person is Blake Northcott. You can find her on Twitter as ComicBookGrrl. She wrote the excellent e-book Vs. Reality, which I have reviewed on here. Another talented person that I have interacted with is Amanda White. I reviewed her Toyshop CD on this site also. You can find her on Twitter at amandawhite. All are great and talented folks who inspire me to do write. So for that I thank you guys, and anything I can do for you guys let me know.