What do I want to be when I grow up?

So a few posts ago I wrote about finding my voice. Well now I have to decide what I want to do with that voice, and if I am good enough to do anything with it. Working at Expert Comics has got me writing. Reading the articles I can tell when I am doing some decent writing and when the writing is so bad I can't even read it. I think my best articles are the interviews. I think I think I can say that with confidence. I am especially proud of my interview with the developers from Project Lodus . I like to have someone to bounce things off of, and working with creative and passionate people brings out the best in me. So is that what I want to do? Do interviews? I look at my reviews and articles and I think boring. I don't know if it is just that I am not that interesting or if it is just me? Do I want to do op-ed pieces? Do I want to try writing a book? I just don't know. I know that I don't like what I am doing at my day job. But I don't know how to parlay my writing into a paying gig, or if I am even good enough to do it. We write articles for Expert and we maybe get one comment on the article that we write. So I have no idea how I am doing really. I don't want comments as a means to an ego boost, but to use them to see what people like, what they don't like. I mean my degree is in IT, not English. So I am kind of lagging behind in that respect. I don't have any formal writing training. I wrote papers in school, but I hated doing them then, so maybe that is a bad sign. But then again, that was about subjects that I really did not care for.
I have been asking around about web hosts, and I am really interested in doing podcasts. Of course I know nothing about doing these either. Like I said learning on the job. So lets see my list of to do things, consists of learning how to write better, getting a website, learning how to podcast, figuring out how I can make money with all of this. Easy peasey right? It is probably not the smartest thing to do, considering a career change at 41 years of age. It would be different if I just had to worry about myself, but I have a wife to support and cats that get very angry when they are not fed on time. So for now I am working on building contacts and relationships through Twitter. I am trying to learn from these people that are on the path to where I want to be. I know it sounds cliché, but I don’t want to be one of those people who hates their job and wonders what if I would have only done this or that. I actually want to be happy in what I am doing. I think it would translate into other aspects of my life as well and make me a lot happier. I find myself being really angry lately, especially while at and leaving work. A change needs to be definitely made. So right now I am a rudderless ship looking for somewhere to land. Hopefully I will find land soon.

15 years

This is going to be a different post than usual.

How our anniversaries go. No money to go anywhere to get anything. We have to wait a week to do anything, yet this woman still stays with me. I am not quite sure why. I am not good looking, I make average pay, yet she still loves me. It is one of lifes great mysteries. We have been married for fifteen years today. People said it would not last. It has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I did not date in school. I only dated one other girl, and that did not really count. It was only two dates, and she moved away. So she has been it. She saw through my faults. She saw through this person who was a manager at Wendys at the time and asked me out. Yep, you heard that right. SHE asked ME out. I was not exactly a ladies man, as I have mentioned, so asking a girl out was out of the question, but SHE asked ME out. She took a chance on me. I am not exactly sure what she saw in me. We have been together through a lot. Me getting laid off three times, having to move to Kentucky for six years and coming back to Michigan to live in my sister’s basement for a year. Still she is here. I guess you could call her a glutton for punishment. I may not be able to provide her with a huge house or jewelry, but I can be there for her. I was there when her brother passed unexpectedly. I was there when her Aunt passed. So that I can do, I can provide support. I can provide a shoulder to cry on. In the long run I figure that means more than material things. She has made me a better person. I am really not sure where I would be if we had not gotten together. I was working a dead end job at Wendys. As I mentioned no girlfriend, so I figured I was going to be on my own for the rest of my life. Then she came into my life. I quit Wendys. Got a job with EDS as tech support, making twice what I was at Wendys. I am not sure I would have had the courage to quit Wendys. I had been there for a long time. But now I had someone else besides myself to look out for. I knew I had to find something better. It has not been easy. EDS closed down the offices up here and moved everyone down to Kentucky. So it was either follow or have no job, so we packed up the truck and moved to Lexington. Where after a couple of years down there I got laid off from there, twice, so we ended up moving back home to Michigan to live in my sister’s basement. If I was going to be unemployed, might as well do it around family. Still she was there. I went through a couple different jobs, but I think I have finally found one that is going to stick. *crosses fingers* Still she is with me. This 41 year old man that collects comics, likes all things nerd, she is still there. What more can I ask for. At the end of the day we are there for each other and that is all that matters. Material things come and go, but the bond endures. I love you Jen.

Remembering my Uncle Ray

Tomorrow we are finally putting my Uncle Ray to rest. He passed away in May of cancer, but it was down in their winter home in Florida so we could not be there. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of going up to his and my Aunt Shirley's cottage at Torch Lake. They had everything a kid could want up there. Motorcycles, snow mobiles, boats. There was never a boring moment up there. He also had a great collection of old radio shows like The Shadow, and Flash Gordon. I used to get so creeped out when that voice came on, "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!"The days were spent driving around the lake in his Sea Ray boat. Either fishing or stopping off at the many restaurants around the lake. They were also spent riding motorcycles or in the winter snowmobiles. There was so much to do up there and it was part of my formative life. I was never afraid of motorcycles or snowmobiles because I grew up with them. Above that I came away with a love for the water that I still have today. No place I would rather be.
As I grew up I helped out in the print shop that he owned and my dad worked at. When I started High School, I went to live with him and my Aunt Shirley until my parents closed on their house. By then he was into horses and had Thoroughbreds at his house that he kept there until they had their foals. I had never seen an animal be born until I went to live with him. That is something that you never forget when you see a foal being born and taking its first steps. They never had anything to say when I lived there. I never felt like a stranger there. But as time goes on we grew apart. I am not sure what happens with married couples, but it seems that one side of the family seems to not be seen as often. This is what happened with my parents. I am not sure how the decision gets made, but holidays and birthdays were always spent with my moms side of the family. We kind of grew apart from the DaSilva side of the family. So I had not seen my uncle and the DaSilva side of the family for years. Probably since my grandmother had died. You think that time is going to last forever, the people you love will be there forever. Unfortunately that is not the case. People pass away and the time is lost. I am going to make sure that I don't lose any more time and try to reach out to that side of the family. You only get each minute once. One it passes it is gone. Don't waste them. This is one of the last pictures taken of him with my dad and my Cousin Dennis.

His prayer card

I’m sure God has a ranch in Heaven
A place for cowboys to call home
With dusty trails and deep passes
Where cows and horses freely roam
I picture you up on a ledge
Gazing at the draws below
Leaning forward with your Thirty X
Stetson hat pulled way down low
I can ‘bout hear the leather creaking
When your gelding switches feet
Your spurs softly jingle in the wind
Your rope’s tied on and coiled neat
There is contentment on your face
You’re happy, but I can’t pretend,
Though I’m glad you’ve made God’s journey,
That I can truly comprehend
In my earthly ways I question
The reasons God took you away
I guess the timing was exactly right
To enter Heaven on that day
The only comfort I have found
That puts my grief to rest
Is that God only takes the top hands
Because His crew’s the very best
We still cry and we sure miss you
And all the things that might have been
But God needed one more cowboy
And He felt you’d fit right in
So He sent down all His ranch hands
An extra horse stood at their side
Then he softly whispered to you
“Saddle up, my friend, let’s ride”

God Speed Uncle Ray

Finding my voice

One thing that you are never without on the internet is a voice. Granted some are louder than others. Mine is really little more than a squeak right now, but it is getting louder. Granted some people use their voices for the wrong thing like bullying people, but I think the majority of people are using their voices and searching for the best way to get their voice heard. Using my voice on Twitter, a place when I first started on it, I knew nobody, I would never have come into contact with people like Blake Northcott, Patty Robinson, and Kristen Nedopak.  For instance if I would not have used my voice to ask the editor at Expert Comics about an opening that they had for a columnist, I would never had gotten a column to write and again use my voice. Still the voice is pretty quiet, but getting louder. Without this column, I would never have had the courage to ask Blake Northcott or Kristen Nedopak to do interviews with them for Expert. Frankly I was a bit out of my league and I am still learning the ropes. But I asked and they graciously said yes. A question not asked receives no answer. So I dove head in. Besides, what is the worse that could have happened? I have dealt with a lot of rejection. What’s a little more? Thankfully Things turned out different, and I have been introduced to even more people who I really have no business talking to like Helenna Santos Levy, Lauren McFall, and Patty Jean Robinson, as well as all of my friends from Expert Comics who have been huge helps. When I first started Twitter I just figured it would just be another social networking site, but it is more than that. Is has given me opportunities that I would never have had otherwise. Now I am still small time, but I am using my voice for all it is worth, and it is being heard.

I think I have found what I want to be when I grow up at 41. Granted I would like to be getting paid cash monies for it, but you have to start somewhere. I am getting my name out there. People are referring people to me (Thanks Kristen). But it all started with asking questions. Talking to people, using my voice, the most powerful thing you can have on the internet. So don’t be of rejection. Take chances. Get in on the conversation. You will be surprised who answers. I know I was. But you will never know until you use your voice. Ask the question. Be respectful. Don’t take things personally. I know I am new in this business, so take this as you will. But I am going to be heard. Thanks to everyone who has helped along the way. Your help means so much.

Are there unwritten rules to Twitter?

I have been following some folks on Twitter who are up and coming actors, and I have seen them handle followers one of two ways. Either they follow the people that follow them, or they have like a thousand followers and only follow like 40. To me I think that having someone follow you and listen to what you have to say deserve to be followed back, provided they are not sales or porn bots. I think I owe it to the people that follow me to show them the courtesy to follow them back. Granted I only have about one hundred and fifty followers, but I feel like I own them something. I am not sure if the people who only follow like 40 people out of thousands are using it as some kind of a power play. Oh look you are special enough for me to follow you. I guess I am a contradiction because I also do not like people that beg you to follow them. I had the experience of a supposed up and comer asking me why I unfollowed them, when they were not even following me back. What the heck? Do they have a tracker that tracks people that unfollow them so they can stalk them? Get real, you are not that big.

Another thing that I like to do is try to respond to peoples Tweets. Again I think it is only polite, if you are going to follow someone, you would hopefully find something they say that would be interesting enough to respond to. I guess that is another contradiction that I have. It is sometimes hard for me to keep up with folks, especially on Fridays with all of the FF’s. So I can imagine it would be hard if I had a ton of people that I follow. I guess that is how I end up being a speed bump in people’s timelines because they do follow a lot of people and don’t see half of the Tweets. I am not sure what a happy medium would be. I just know that participation drives Twitter, and is what makes me want to come back to it. It has afforded me the opportunity to communicate with people that I would never have been able to communicate with otherwise, and meet a ton of cool people. It also got me a semi-paid writing gig. So even though I have been on Twitter for quite a while now, I am still trying to figure it out. Rule number one never take it too seriously. Rule number two, when you send a response to an actor, musician, writer, or other people don’t expect anything back. It makes it all the more special when you do receive a response.

I am appreciative of all of my followers. Wish I had something cool to offer like some of the cool artists, writers, and actors on my list, but unfortunately all you get is me. I guess I will have to make it worth your while.

Being inclusive as a nerd

There is a war going on and we don't even know it. How is that for a first line? The war I am talking about it between the nerds and the so called "fake nerds." It is being fought on the interwebs, on message boards, social media sites, and blogs. Since when have nerds complained about having people that are attractive coming into our fold? Why would somebody who is attractive want to face the life of a geek if they did not want to? A lot of my life had been faced with ridicule and socially awkward situations that come from being a geek, or nerd, or whatever the term is these days. People admit to liking gaming or comics because they like them, not because they think it will make them cool. It is quite the opposite. So to call them posers is ridiculous. What do they have to gain? Being a nerd who has been excluded from most things in their life, we of all people should be the ones saying come on in, the water’s fine. I know we have been hurt, we know the derisive looks that people give us and the patronizing, “Oh you read comic books.” So our first instinct is to want to lash out at the beautiful people, and say “Hey you can’t be a member of our club.” But we need to get over that. We of all people should be accepting of anyone, because we know what it is like to not be accepted by pretty much anyone.

I know a lot of us are socially awkward and have problems having conversations with other people. We would much rather be left alone to read comics or do some gaming. I know for me years of ridicule and loneliness have gotten me kind of jaded on the whole people thing, and sometimes the old high school insecurities come out when I least want them to, and I am 41. I know what it is like not have many friends. I had one friend through elementary school, through junior high. Before starting high school my parents moved and I started a whole new high school not knowing anyone. I really don’t remember many of the people that I went to high school with. I had more friends when I started working than I ever had at school. But I got through it. I still only have maybe one friend that I hang out with on a regular basis. I am not sure why. Maybe I don’t try hard enough to meet new people. Maybe it is still that feeling that I am not good enough. Anyway the point of this is that I know exclusion and I have promised myself not to exclude other people, because I would never want them to feel like I did. We of the nerd community need to be accepting of all comers, no matter what they look like or what their geek cred is. Come on in. The water’s fine

So you want a career in comics?

     You may want to consider a different career. It is not for people that simply want to dabble in it or want to get into it on a whim. It takes some serious sacrifice, balancing life, and most times another career, with trying to do something that they truly love. They are not getting rich at it by any means, and are into it for the love of the medium. Since joining Twitter I have had the fortune of getting to know several of these people who love comics, and are taking their careers into their own hands. I get kind of a chance to see behind the curtain so to speak, and see the hard work that goes into making the comics that arrive in your hot little hands at the local comic shop.

     Two such people are writer Brian Apodaca and Artist Benny Jordan, the creative team behind the comic Zombie Outlaw. You may recall that I reviewed issue number one on this blog back in October of last week. Well the intrepid creative team is getting ready to release issue number two of the series and came out with an Ashcan issue with a preview of issue number two. The Ashcan picks up from the end of issue number one with the kids from Irvine State University having just met the Zombie Outlaw himself and coming out on the losing side. The art is still the cartoony style of issue one, but the panels are more well organized and the flow is better than the first issue. This shows a growth by Benny and his art style. The back cover of the Ashcan also features are really nice looking alternate cover of issue number two by Mark Alvarado. Here it is here.

     I had the opportunity to aske Brian and Benny some questions about the delay between issues one and two, and also what they had been up to in the mean time. It turns out that there were some major life changes for both of them, and more on the way. They have also been busy on the convention scene trying to get word out about Zombie Outlaw. Here is the interview. Thanks to both of them for their time.

Hey guys,
Thanks for sending me the Ashcan and cards. I figured I would ask some questions. 

Brian: Thanks for taking the time to ask us some questions, Brett.    I'm not sure if Benny e-mailed you back, but I'll try best to give the answers that I feel are valid. 

Geeki Happenings: So it will be almost a year between issues one and two. I know there have been additions to the family and life issues. Have you been working on other things in the meantime? 

Brian: In the past year, Benny has gotten married and had a daughter.   I have worked a lot of hours, not as many as my fiance, but quite a bit, and traveled to Cancun for a Wedding.    Also,  I just mentioned my fiance, so - yes - I also got engaged.   I'm currently working on getting a block of rooms at a Hampton Inn in Paso Robles.   So if anyone knows anyone, give me a holler!   But yeah, we've both been quite busy.   The main thing, though, is we're doing this currently for the love of comics - and we would, of course like that to evolve into getting paid for it - at which point the issues will come flying at you FAST and FURIOUS!

Benny: I have done one other comic between issue 1 of Zombie Outlaw and this next issue. It was a comic for Scattered Comics Studios called Shadow Hunters. It was a completely different style for me. A bit more Anime as opposed to the cartoony style of Z.O. I am currently doing concepts for the next issue of that in between my work on Zombie Outlaw and adjusting to life with my new daughter.

Geek Happenings: When issue number two comes out, are you guys going to be getting on a more normal distribution schedule?
 

Brian: If issue #2 is a HUGE success, rocketing us to comics' superstardom, then issue #3 will come out shortly thereafter.   If not, it will be another year or two before issue #3 hits.  

Hopefully, the first scenario will play out!  :)

Benny:  Regarding a more normal distribution schedule...well, as I said, I have a new child in my life now, so nothing is normal at the moment. Though I am going to try.

Geek Happenings: I saw that you guys did the Comikaze Expo last year. How was that experience?  Any plans on doing more cons this year?

Brian: We enjoyed immensely the Comikaze Expo in Los Angeles this past year!  It was the FIRST EVER Comikaze Expo, and we really enjoyed being a part of it.  I spent the better part of a year hyping the Comikaze Expo on twitter preceding the actual event, so it was gratifying for me personally to experience it and to realize that I was correct in supporting it.   Regina Carpinelli, the CEO of Comikaze Expo, is a true professional, and her whole staff was nothing but helpful!   We really hope to be there next year, with the 2nd issue of ZOMBIE OUTLAW hot off the presses and ready to share with the public.    Maybe we can even do a panel!    Anyone interested in the Comikaze Expo in Los Angeles should check out their website,http://www.comikazeexpo.com !and follow them on Twitter:  @ComikazeExpo       Very cool people!

We just did the LA Zinefest on February 19th, and that was a blast!    We had a booth alongside Sean Stepanoff, who puts out GRISTLE magazine, among other books!

He's a very talented creator, whom we hope to see at future venues.    Check out his stuff on etsy:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/GristlePublications

Finally, we'll be at the Wonder-Con in Anaheim, and that's coming up in March!   We're looking forward to that.  

Anyone interested in attending should check out the Comic-Con website, http://www.comic-con.org  

Benny: Yes, Comikaze was great. We did a lot better than had anticipated. It was a lot of fun and we made some great contacts. We will be at Wondercon this year as it is being held in Anaheim, literally a couple blocks away from my home. And as to any other conventions, Brian is the one who sets those up. He just tells me where to be. It works out well for me that way. I don't have to concentrate on anything but the art.

Geek Happenings: I see that the cartoony art style is still in effect for issue number two. As I mentioned in the review of issue number one it is definitely a lot different feel than more serious zombie comics such as the walking dead. It is almost like an all ages zombie comic. Was this something that you guys had planned or did it just come out that way?
 

Brian: I don't think we really heavily planned it as an all-ages book, and there are definitely some things in there that most kids will not probably understand or appreciate, either for generational reasons, or perhaps because the humor level is not up the standards of some children.    To call some of our humor childish would be an insult to children!  It's a mixed bag, really, although I guess you could say the outlook or worldview is definitely child-like.    But there are certain totems and symbols or iconography sprinkled throughout the first two issues that people under 30 might have trouble appreciating.  

Benny: Yes the artwork is still very cartoony. I'm really not sure how we came to have it that way, so I suppose it just happened. And it works great with Brian's sense of humor. This issue has some slight differences from the last. I view the first issue of Zombie Outlaw as being out "pilot" issue. After many great reviews and critiques I decided to make some changes in the way some of the characters look. Not huge changes, but just enough that is flows better for me as the artist and hopefully for the reader. I'm also concentrating on better backgrounds and panel usage. The first issue was lacking in that department.

Geek Happenings: The cover for issue number two in the back of the ashcan is definitely a different style and feel. Who did it? Is that going to be an alternate cover, because on the cards it shows a cover by Benny. 

Brian: Benny's cover will be the OFFICIAL cover to the 2nd issue.   We have several amazing artists who've contributed alternate covers or pin-ups for issue #2.    Not sure at this point if we will use any of them for ALTERNATE or VARIANT covers, but most of the pin-ups we've received from the many talented artists who've done THEIR takes on our characters WILL be in a pin-up section at the back of issue #2!     Mark Alvarado, by the way, is the artist you're referring to at the back of the Ashcan/Preview for issue #2 which we premiered at Comikaze Expo a few months back.   Mark's a great artist, and has some projects of his own in the works, but yeah - his stuff is great and we were really happy to get him to do HIS version of our characters.    A very cool image!

Benny: Regarding the "alternate cover" on the back of the ashcan issue: I'm not quite shure if that will be used as a cover or not somewhere down the line. We decided to use a different piece for the cover of the ashcan so that when the second issue is actually released it will still feel "fresh". I put a lot of work into the second cover. we got some good responces for the first, but I, as the artist, feel it didn't have the impact that I really wanted. the second issue cover is something that I'm pretty proud of, and I hope others will be just as excited about it.

Here is Benny's cover for issue number two

 
Well thanks again for the time fellas. Feel free to include anything you want to be promoted or any appearances.

Check out Benny's page at Deviantart:    BPJILLUSTRATION.DAPORTFOLIO.COM/

Issue #1 of ZOMBIE OUTLAW is on sale at comixpress:    http://www.comixpress.com

Check out the main Zombie Outlaw website, as well as our facebook page!  

http://www.zombieoutlaw.com   AND   http://www.facebook.com/zombieoutlawcomic

Anyone interested in getting in touch with the writer, Brian, can find him on Twitter:   www.twitter.com/capn_midnight